Chuck, I'm in the same boat as Corey - we've missed something here.
However, I'm going to do a tiny bit of "guessing". I'm thinking maybe PTSD? And, if so, brother, you're not the first (or the last). It's just that we've finally gotten smart enough to give it a name, but, it's not something that's easily fixed.
If I'm right, I have two thoughts:
1. You're NOT "sick" - you've just had to experience more soul-destroying agony than any person should have to experience. And,
2. This is a VERY difficult thing to deal with on your own. There ARE people who are trained to help, but YOU have to be able to feel comfortable working with them and it may be hard to find someone who knows how to do it. You may go through several "professionals" before you find one that knows what's going on. But, my brother, you need to find that person!
None of us has walked in your boots (me included). None of us can imagine what you have experienced. There ARE people out there who can help you come to terms with those experiences though - find one of them!
Oh, and Chuck, if this is not what you wanted to hear, tell me to f*ck off!
- Jack