The Great State of Ohio (funny)

[johnnyd]

The Great State of Ohio



Aug. 12 - Moved into our new home in Ohio . It is so beautiful here. The hills and river valleys are so picturesque. I have a beautiful old oak tree in my front yard. Can hardly wait to see the change in the seasons. This is truly God's Country.

Oct. 14 - Ohio is such a gorgeous place to live, one of the real special places on Earth. The leaves are turning a multitude of different colors. I love all of the shades of reds, oranges and yellows, they are so bright. I want to walk through all of the beautiful hills and spot some white tail deer. They are so graceful, certainly they must be the most peaceful creatures on Earth. This must be paradise.

Nov. 11 - Deer season opens this week. I can't imagine why anyone would want to shoot these elegant animals. They are the very symbol of peace and tranquility here in Ohio . I hope it snows soon. I love it here!

Dec. 2 - It snowed last night. I woke to the usual wonderful sight: everything covered in a beautiful blanket of white. The oak tree is magnificent. It looks like a postcard. We went out and swept the snow from the steps and driveway. The air is so crisp, clean and refreshing. We had a snowball fight. I won, and the snowplow came down the street. He must have gotten too close to the driveway because we had to go out and shovel the end of the driveway again. What a beautiful place. Nature in harmony. I love it here!

Dec. 12 - More snow last night. I love it! The plow did his cute little trick again. What a rascal. A winter wonderland. I love it here!

Dec. 19 - More snow - couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work in time. I'm exhausted from all of the shoveling. And that snowplow!

Dec. 21 - More of that white **** coming down. I've got blisters on my hands and a kink in my back. I think that the snowplow driver waits around the corner until I'm done shoveling the driveway. A-hole.

Dec. 25 - White Christmas? More freakin' snow. If I ever get my hands on the sonofa***** who drives that snowplow, I swear I'll castrate him. And why don't they use more salt on these roads to melt this crap??

Dec. 28 - It hasn't stopped snowing since Christmas. I have been inside since then, except of course when that SOB "Snowplow Harry" comes by. Can't go anywhere, cars are buried up to the windows. Weather man says to expect another 10 inches. Do you have any idea how many shovelfuls 10 inches is??

Jan. 1 - Happy New Year? The way it's coming down it won't melt until the 4th of July! The snowplow got stuck down the road and the chithead actually had the balls to come and ask to borrow a shovel! I told him I'd broken six already this season.

Jan. 4 - Finally got out of the house. We went to the store to get some food and a goddamn deer ran out in front of my car and I hit the bastard. It did $5,000 in damage to the car. Those beasts ought to be killed. The hunters should have a longer season if you ask me.

Jan. 27 - Warmed up a little and rained today. The rain turned the snow into ice and the weight of it broke the main limb of the oak tree in the front yard and it went through the roof. I should have cut that old piece of chit into firewood when I had the chance.

May 23 - Took my car to the local garage. Would you believe the whole underside of the car is rusted away from all of that damn salt they dump on the road? Car looks like a bashed up, heap of rusted cow chit.

May 10 - Sold the car, the house, and moved to Florida . I can't imagine why anyone in their freakin' mind would ever want to live in the God forsaken State of Ohio ..

I got a kick out of it any how

[Northern Supercrew]

sounds like winter up here...:censored3: except that i drive a snowplow only on the highway tho...i don't plug anyones driveway:ca-yukon:

[johnnyd]

You rascal you

[Jackpine]

Johnny - That was a great account of your time in Ohio! I laughed and laughed because it felt a little like my experience in Pennsylvania, just outside of Philadelphia and right next door to Valley Forge, where George Washington and his troops froze their backsides off. I didn't have the tree limb experience, but I sure had the snowplow party!

We were there in the summer too. Loved the mountains the moles built in our lawn and the shrews that tunneled under the deck I so carefully built out in back of our house.

And the Gypsy moth caterpillars! What fun to watch them take all the leaves off your trees, almost overnight!

Moss everywhere, mushrooms growing up through cracks in the driveway (making them bigger) and we were in a drought, so I couldn't wash the car!

I was very happy to see Pennsylvania in our rear view mirror as we headed back west!

Thanks again for a great start to this thread!

- Jack

[Power Hungry]

So you think it's cold where you live? Try living in Utah!

Perception... It's all about perception.

60 above zero:
Floridians turn on the heat.
People in Utah plant gardens.

50 above zero:
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Provo sunbathe.

40 above zero:
Italian & English cars won't start.
People in Utah drive with their windows down.

32 above zero:
Distilled water freezes.
The water in the Great Salt Lake gets thicker.

20 above zero:
Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves and wool hats.
People in Utah throw on a flannel shirt.

15 above zero:
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Utah have the last cookout before it gets cold.

Zero:
People in Miami all die.
Utahans close the windows.

10 below zero:
Californians fly away to Mexico.
People in Utah get out their winter coats.

25 below zero:
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Utah are selling cookies door to door.

40 below zero:
Washington, DC runs out of hot air.
People in Utah let the dogs sleep indoors.

100 below zero:
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Utahans get frustrated because they can't start the Mini-Van.

460 below zero:
ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale.)
People in Utah start saying..."Cold 'nuff fer ya?"

500 below zero:
Hell freezes over.
The Utah Jazz win the NBA Championship!